Biggest problem with midlife
crisis is that you do not know what your problem is. Until now, life has been
all about setting goals and striving to achieve them – the school, the marks,
the college, the job, the girl and all that. Until now, you have had something
to look forward to. Until now, you have had an aim. Now, you are past that
stage.
All those things that at one
point of time looked like a tool to reach the pinnacle of life have dropped you
to the so-called pinnacle – just that the pinnacle has turned out to be a
plateau. Since it is a plateau, you find others to have reached the same place
by taking different routes. You wonder if all those years were worth this
present. Funny part is that everyone else in your boat thinks the same.
Human mind is a monster always
hungry for thoughts. A kid’s mind is lost in his present. In his youth, human
mind is lost in the dreams for his future. An old mind has too much of past
baggage to think about.
Problem is with those in their
midlife – there is sufficient baggage of past to think about and the future
gives you more worries than hope. You are always thinking if change in handling
a few things in the past would have reduced your worries for future. You are
always trying to make yourself think that whatever you have is the best you
could have got. Sometimes you also think that you were lucky even to have the
present you have. The thing is that you are always confused between past,
present and future – which part should be given the more importance in your
thought process.
Deep down you know that
staying in present is what will make you happy but you do not really like your
present. Whatever you are doing is not what you had dreamt off in your youth.
Something you dream of doing is the very same thing you cannot do now. Even if
you manage to do it, you soon realize that it is not what you had asked for. It
is nothing but a state of not liking whatever you do and not knowing what you
would love to do. As I said, confusion is the
word.
Midlife crisis is nothing less
than an identity crisis. You don’t know what you are – a kid who dreamt of
making it big in life, a youth who left no stone unturned to make his dreams
come true, an employee who turns up every day at work so that he could pick up
his paycheck at the end of the month, a son split between the duties of a
husband and a father, a law abiding citizen who cannot do anything but crib
about the issues out of his hands. It is an identity
crisis.
Until now, you had been
running a race that you did not know if you wanted to run. You hardly ever
decided to take up or give up a lap. You were always told by others what to do –
go to this school, this college is good, you have to take up a good job and
things like that. In fact, you hardly took any decision on your
own.
Suddenly, the tables have
turned. Suddenly, you have become the decision maker. Suddenly you have to make
all the calls. You have to choose school for your kids in a time when fee for
one year is more than what your parents paid for your entire education. You have
to choose a career move knowing that you do not have liberty of making too many
moves now. You have to decide where to put your money so that it can guard you
against old age, you have to decide which city to settle down, you have to
decide which relations to hold on and which to let go. You have to decide
everything. There is no comfort of others making a calls for you, you walking
down the road in full knowledge that if things go wrong, the blame would be on
someone else.
Risks and returns, they are
all yours. There is nobody to blame now.
It is something quite new to
you. This is something starting something afresh. This is something you have to
start learning when you had thought you are past the learning period of your
life. Mind you, making decisions for yourself is the most important aspect of
life and learn you must.
There is one more thing you
have to learn and that is to find happiness. Happiness is not like bad luck,
which comes uninvited. You have to seek it, search for
it.
You have to find out what
makes you happy. Work is nothing but a rut. Family is lot about making others
happy and finding your happiness in their happiness. With them, it is more about
finding solace in a better future for your family. It is good if you find it but
what is equally more important is what makes YOU happy, what keeps you in
present. Remember, I am using the word YOU
repeatedly.
Maybe it is time to pick up
that side of your which you had allowed to sleep while you were busy running the
rat race in your childhood/youth. It is time to dig into what could be termed as
your “oblivious side”. It is time to explore
YOU.
Pick up that guitar which was
dumped somewhere when you could not even find time to look at it. Pick up that
camera which you bought in a thanksgiving deal but have not even charged its
battery twice. To hell with tracking stock markets and real estate prices, go
read the stuff you always wanted to. Forget watching news and getting worried
about the state of the nation and society. You getting worried will not help it
much. There is a whole lot of cinema made by geniuses across the globe – go
watch it all. I am sure there must have been something you loved doing without
caring about anything else. There must be. Are you sure there was nothing like
this?
In case if there is nothing
like a “loved doing it but had to give up” thing in your life, go pick up
something new. Go out and play. You will be surprised to see the agility of your
mind and body that could be achieved after playing a game for a month or so, you
will be surprised to see that the kid in you still breathes. You will be
surprised to see that you still have the ability to live in the moment. It does
not matter if you are a rookie in anything you do. Doing is what matters.
In fact, it is good if you are
a rookie. Remember, you have to enjoy the process without bothering a damn about
the results. If you were perfect at an art, your job would have been more
difficult. You would have needed to find new challenges and the biggest
challenge would have been maintaining the passion along with loads of crap life
puts in front of you. What you are looking for – a kick of achievement making
you happy would be a tough thing to get. Hence, being rookie is better. With
steep learning curve, you would be getting the desired kick more frequently. It
is better to be a rookie, it is better to pick up something new. It is always
better to be in present and that is what it will
do.
The gist of the story is – go
deep down inside, look for what makes you happy and have a life. It will be lot
better than simply cribbing about life.
Okay. I am not preaching it to
anyone else. Having being stuck in my midlife crisis, I am talking it all to
myself. But it can very well be true for
others.
Just in case you are an old
man reading this, I hope I am making sense to you. I am sure you would have done
the same.
Just in case you are in same
boat as mine, I hope I am making sense to you. According to me, this is the only
way to deal with this.
Just in case you are a young
man reading this and I am not making any sense to you, stop grinning and save
these tips for future. I know you are living in a denial that you will never
age. Soon you will be living in a denial that you have not aged and these tips
will come handy.
As has someone has said (Okay,
Rahm Emanuel said it but I do not know who he is. I just googled for a good
quote) “You never let a serious crisis
go to waste. And what I mean by that it's an opportunity to do things you think
you could not do before”.
Who knows, while doing such a
thing you may find a hidden treasure of a wonderful treasure in your midlife
crisis.
